see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
