PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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