in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
