Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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