the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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