you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
