she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
