Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
