We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
