I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
