I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
