he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
