I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
