I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
