She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
