Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
