Grow some girl-balls and come out already
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
