This is not my ceiling
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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