i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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