Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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