I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
