dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
