I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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