Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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