...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's get the cat blown out
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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