I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
