So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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