I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
