i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
