Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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