I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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