I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
