Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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