I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
