yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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