All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
