Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
