I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize