You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
