Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
