She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
