I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
