I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
