You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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