Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
