The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
