if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
