My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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