How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
