dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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