**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
