Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
