Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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