We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize