Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
