im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
