dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
