A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
