Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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