nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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