I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
