...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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