you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
