We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
