we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He felt like a one man threesome
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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