I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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