apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We left an ass print on the piano.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
