The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I skipped work to stalk him.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
