apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You pole danced in your parka.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
