The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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