new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
