Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
