I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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