The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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