As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize