How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
