if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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