there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
