he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
