oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
