Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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