If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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