he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
