i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my sisters under your porch take her home
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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