Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
