I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
