Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize