made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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