That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
