you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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