I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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