How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
