did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
