wrigley field is MILF paradise
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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