I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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