maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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