her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
