..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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