honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
