she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
