I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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