He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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